Misunderstandings
by Unknownred
Summary: "Uh, hello, you're older than Sasuke. He's younger than you…" "Yeah, by a couple of months." "Going after younger guys makes you a cougar." Misunderstandings between Konoha's shinobis evolving around Sakura and Sasuke. [Crack script to help writer's block! Rating may change further into future chapters] P.S. Can you guess what the second chapter will be? LOL
1. Sakura's Theories

Misunderstandings

By: Unknownred

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A/N: Hi fellow readers, this is crack on script. Having a small writer's block and this isn't how I usually write my stories but just follow along, the dialogue is between Sakura and Ino. Let me know your thoughts by reviewing at the bottom box below! Thanks!

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 **Welcome to Konoha Community Webpage!**

 **Live it up with all the features; press the button when ready to proceed.**

 **Don't forget to include tags using the hashtags below.**

 **All contacts from your email base will be automatically included into the viewers of your post.**

[Click]

"What's going on? Where's the box to write in? Aw man, I don't even know how to work this…"

[Click]

[Click]

"Whatever! I'll just work on my profile then. Female… March… Write something interesting about yourself or your background. Hmm… something interesting about me."

[Tap tap tap tap ] "…Salutations my dear readers!"

[Eraaaaaase]

[Tap tap tap tap] "Hello, my name is Sakura Haruno and-"

[Eraaaaaase]

"Ugh! Why must this be so hard to think up?"

[tick tick tick]

[tick tick tick]

[tick tick- "Shut up And Sleep with Me" ringtone]

"It's Ino! Thank the heavens, someone who knows me best! Hey Ino, I need your help with something!"

[Speaker phone]

"Girl, I keep telling you to just out right and say you love the guy! It'll make your life much easier if the confession comes from you."

"No, it wouldn't, the guy's as dense as Naruto. And no, this is a different matter."

"Exactly. You know how much effort I put in my appearance every morning throughout high school to get Sasuke's attention? After a while, I was convinced he was gay."

"…Anyway, I need your help on a different matter. You see, I'm making a profile and its asking me to write something interesting about myself or my back ground."

"Oh? Well, you're in for some luck! I got a lot of dirt on ya that you can-"

"Ino! It's professional!"

"Oh. Bummer."

"Yeah."

"What kind of profession are we talking about here?"

"Konoha's community webpage."

"The circuit one with all the gossip?"

"…I try not to think of it in that way. But yes, that one."

"Well for starters, you have pink hair. Natural pink hair."

"Oh, that's a good one!"

"Your forehead is the length of two hands!"

"Hey now, Pig, they don't need to know that. And besides, it's where all the knowledge is kept unlike yours."

"I don't need to have smarts when I have muscle memory."

"Okay, ew. And can we _please_ get back to my profile?"

"Sure, sure. Your family is 1% to having no clan relations, at all- well, minus TenTen because I swear she's in some Witness Protection Program and Lee- heck if I know!"

"Yeah, Lee is pretty mysterious. But are you sure he isn't related to Gym teacher Gai?"

"Girl, please, for all we know, that weirdo probably adopted Lee and molded him to be his next generation!"

"…Poor Lee. Already corrupted and sentenced for life."

"You mean, poor future wife of Lee! Having to deal with the monstrosity of his eyebrows! Oh, the horror!"

"Okay, you're on the border of being mean. And besides, Lee's eyebrows aren't as bad as your ego."

"At least my ego has the power to dominate 98% of Konoha's single male population. Sasuke and Neji."

"What about Shikamaru?"

"What about that lazy ass?"

"Where is he in your statistics?"

"Never mind that. He'll come around."

"Right. Okay, so, what else is interesting about me?"

"You have bad taste in men."

"Said the girl who spent all four years of high school trying to impress Sasuke Uchiha who didn't once spare a glance at."

"Whatever. I was pretty much giving you a head-start!"

"Oh, please!"

"And you know what I learned from it all?"

"What?"

"Confess right away. At least then you'll get a straight answer."

"As if! He ignored me the other day after I picked up his eraser and tried to give it back to him."

"That's a clear sign that he's playing hard to get."

"Really? Because he'd probably think we girls have cooties and he'd avoid us like the plague."

"What are you, nine? Sakura, Sasuke has grown pass all that childish nonsense. Trust me, he definitely has a spot for you."

"And why would you think that?"

"You've grown out of his fan base. You're much smarter than you appear to be. And, IaccidentallyhintedtoSasukethatyoulikedhimandhedidn'tshootmeaglare! Can you believe it?"

"What?!"

"I know! I was surprised too!"

"No, I mean, what! You told him I liked him before I told him I liked him? INO!"

"Well, hey, it was taking you longer than Naruto having the guts to propose to Hinata!"

"Wait, what?!"

"Geez Sakura, get with the times! Naruto proposed to Hinata. Everyone knows about it."

"Since when?"

"Since Tuesday."

"No, I mean, since when were you going to share this "minor detail" to me?"

"Oh… Right, so yeah, Hinata accepted…obviously, and you're invited!"

"You sure? Because I'd thought that idiot would confide in me himself, but I had to hear it from you, much less I'm the last person to know!"

"Not quite."

"What do you mean?"

"Sasuke doesn't know yet."

"His best friend didn't even tell Sasuke yet?"

"Precisely. He was going to surprise ya'll with the news! Which brings us back to you and Sasuke, you both are compatible to each other!"

"And how did you come up with that ridiculous theory?"

"You're both annoying to each other's feelings and clueless to the outside world."

"There's only one problem with that sentence. I'm not clueless. If anything, I'm more aware at what's happening in the world. Which brings us back to the KC webpage. My profile, dear pig."

"Right! Okay, let me check your webpage. …oh, that's a cute background picture. Alright, what do you have?"

"So far, two."

"Oh, I know! Type in cougar!"

[tap tap pause] "Wait, why?"

"Uh, hello, you're older than Sasuke. He's younger than you…"

"Yeah, by a couple of months."

"Going after younger guys makes you a cougar."

[eraaaase] "Yeah, it would also make me a pedophile between my 18th birthday and Sasuke's. And why are we still talking about Sasuke? Back to my profile, please!"

"Don't you see? Every topic involves Sasuke in it!"

"Besides the point!"

"Just type in that you've been in love with Sasuke ever since you laid eyes on him! That's enough to spark someone's interest in your profile, wink-wink Sasuke!"

"Argh! You're no help at all, Ino!"

"Oh, now's your chance… he's online."

"Pig, if I wanted to tell Sasuke I love him, it's definitely not going to be through messenger."

"Uhhh…."

"And just because Sasuke's name pops up in almost every conversation we have doesn't mean it's a sign because it's just coincidental and we all know that one time when Naruto accidentally kissed Sasuke, that was coincidental also…which made everyone to believe that there was something between Naruto and Sasuke even when they showed their disinterest with each other on the outside…which reminds me of that one drama where the girl hates the boy and vice versa and soon after they started to fall in love…. And oh-my-gosh, you don't think Sasuke is secretly gay for Naruto but Naruto rejected Sasuke and that's why he's been so snub with everyone around him!"

"I can see how you would revamp that scenario. But, I don't think that's the case."

"Why not? It makes perfect sense on why Sasuke would ignore your presence all these years!"

"Uhhhh, Sakura?"

"I get it. Naruto was feeling awkward around Sasuke and that's why he didn't mention his wedding proposal to Hinata to him."

"No, it's not that."

"Well, why couldn't it be? Have you ever seen Sasuke with a girlfriend before?"

"Perhaps he's waiting for the right person."

"Which hypothetically could've been Naruto but after that situation years ago, they were too embarrassed to admit their feelings to each other."

"Minus the part where they're best friends, Sakura?"

"A cover story is what it is!"

"Okay, Sakura, breathe! And I think this whole KC webpage is already getting to your head with all the gossip and what not. Perhaps, you should stray away from the media for now. And hold up on telling Sasuke how you feel for a while, too."

"Why is that, Ino-pig?"

"You're live, Sakura."

"Uh, yes, Ino, I am alive. I wouldn't be talking if I wasn't."

"No, Sakura, you're _live!_ Like, on live broadcast."

"….. WAIT, WHAT?!" [gasp] "How can this be?"

"Hate to break it to you, forehead, but you've been on live for quite some time now."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOR QUITE SOME TIME NOW- HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN LIVE FOR?"

[CLICK! CLICK!] "45 minutes… so about the time you answered my call."

[INTERNAL SCREAMING] "TURN OFF, TURN OFF-"

[TAP TAP TAP] "IS IT STILL ON?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"HOW DO I WORK THIS THING?"

"Sakura, calm down!"

"HOW CAN I BE CALMED? IF I'M LIVE, THAT MEANS SASUKE COULD BE WATCHING!"

"True, but it's not like you have his contact saved… do you?"

[SLAM HANDS ON DESK] "OH MY GOD!"

"What?! And when were you going to share me this "minor detail"?"

"Ino-pig, this is not the time or place! And besides, it's not what you think!"

"Right, and that's not Sasuke standing in your doorway."

[SWIVELS AROUND]

"Sasuke! W-what are you doing here?"

"Wait, wait, I'm sorry if you misheard me talking…. it's just theories! I didn't mean-"

[Sasuke walks to Sakura and turns off her computer all the way]

"Sasuke? What are you- why are you- how are you in my room?"

"Sakura."

[gulps]

"Annoying." [Closes in on Sakura]

"Mmf!"

[Meanwhile, on Ino's side of the line]

"To think all it took was some misleading theories to get the densest guy to prove her wrong. Hah… Why didn't I think of that?"

[Click]


	2. Colonoscopy

Misunderstandings

By: Unknownred

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Note: Hi fellow readers, thanks for reading the first story to Misunderstandings and sending me reviews! This short story's dialogue is between Sasuke and Sakura. Hope you enjoy it as much as you enjoyed the prequel.

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"No."

"Oh, come on! It won't even hurt!"

"I like my personal space."

"And you think I don't either? Especially when other doctors touch me during my mammogram?"

"Hn. It's different."

"How is that, pray tell?"

"…"

"And don't say it's because I prefer being comfortable around female doctors that grope me, instead of male doctors. I'll let you know that I have had my share of male doctors examine me. It's not a preference per say, only they've been assigned to me, less the ladies are too busy to take on patients and I'm left with the men. Besides that, I don't see any reason to begrudge them; it's part of their job! They're specialized in that field just like you are with your sharigan and summoning Susanoo."

"…You're an open person."

"And you're shallow. It's not like you're gonna be assigned to just _any_ doctor. I am your personal doctor. Unless you prefer a male doc touching you…probing inside you…without your knowledge?"

"How do I know you wouldn't either?"

"Pfft!"

"Sakura."

"Sasuke, I'm a doctor! My work is professional. Just because I like you doesn't mean my feelings for you will override my duty of manhandling you. Besides, what if you have polyps or something worst from all that bacteria?"

"Poly-what?"

"Polyps, small clump of cells that forms on the surface of the colon or rectum."

[Sasuke looks perplexed]

"Your asshole, Sasuke. The hole that enters your butt. I swear, men and their learning barrier. To think, you of all Uchihas' don't even know what their respectable butt hole is called."

"Tch. Your point is?"

[sigh] "My point is, if those polyps aren't removed, it can be cancerous."

"And how do you suppose I'd get these polyps?"

"Ah, it's not technically a known fact but since polyps do grow from bacteria in the rectum, a simple fisting could go long ways to becoming your very, dreaded answer."

"Simple…what?"

"Fisting."

"As in… a practice of defending oneself with handballing chakra and impacting someone's body. Normal. What do you think we are, Sakura? Pretend ninjas? Even Naruto would side with me on that."

"I didn't say anything of the sort!"

"But your implication of such action sounded riskier than what it's actually worth."

"No… okay, look, it's like this. Let's say, after a whole day of… training, Naruto is feeling-"

"Why Naruto?"

"It's just an example. Now shut up. Naruto is feeling hungry for..."

"Ramen, so he heads over to the Ramen Ichiraku, as he always does."

"Uh, no, that's not where I was going… his hunger is more carnal because he-"

"Just got done from using his tailed beasts' powers. Sakura, any Jinchuriki possessed person would feel that way after training."

"Sasuke, please, it's just an example!"

"So, he goes to the ramen shop, and all the ramen is gone, thanks to that Akimichi guy. He does the one thing his bean brain can manage and that's Kakashi's secret hidden leaf finger jutsu."

[Moment of silence]

"Oh, my, gosh! I don't even know where to start- where that even came from!"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"You're gonna be a great fatherly story teller one day."

"Hn."

"So egocentric, I swear. Okay, let's say that happened…"

"What, there's more?"

"Yes! Now, shut up so I can finish the damn story! And don't you _**dare**_ interrupt me; this is important! Naruto didn't wash his hands meaning his hands are infected with bacteria."

"What does that have to do with fisting?"

"Oh, so we're back on subject? You know, I don't think impaling Choji's butthole with the One Thousand Years of Death would be consider 'fisting,' but your perp is Naruto. That, I can see why you'd avoid this as much as your denial in- uh, never mind."

"In what, Sa-ku-ra?"

"Dare I say it! You know what, it just makes sense! Who on earth would _ever_ give you (if you ever did get) the One Thousand Years of Death if not Naruto? Kakashi sensei? Ha, you better think again! You'd probably fireball his ass before he sneaks one up on you! …I was referring more on the lines of being closely intimate with your S.O. ...that kind of thing."

"What do you mean by S.O.?"

"You know, SO, significant other?"

[Crickets]

"No? Boyfriend, girlfriend- ring any bells? Partner in crime, domestic partner, life partner, soulmate, better half, spouse, lovers, admirers, beaus. What is it that you don't understand?"

"Special Officer."

"Yes, special! Finally, something that clicks in his brain! That's exactly- wait, what?"

"SO, special officer."

"No, SO, significant other, a person whom you are in a closed relationship."

"I have no more means of getting close and personal with my adversaries."

"Tch. What about a certain rival?"

"Which is?"

"The guy we exemplified just now? The one who would do the stupidest jutsu in the hidden leaf village and get away with it? 'That rival'!"

"No, that dumbass wouldn't know a fisting coming when he sees one."

"So, he's the submissive type? That would make you the domineer. Huh, I can see that."

"Of course. Sooner or later, I'll need to revive my clan. Perhaps, you'll consider assisting me in it?"

"Wait, wait, wait, are we still even _on_ the same subject anymore? And that sounded more of a command than a proposal. [gasp] Hold up, that wasn't a _proposal_ , was it? Hell-o soldier, no can do! If you're still pounding Naruto, I wouldn't want to be your rebound **or** mistress. It won't be right and it won't definitely make me happy nor will it your future generation."

"Sakura, what _are_ you even talking about?"

"Sasuke, what I'm trying to say is… well, I still have an inkling suspicion that you could be- not that I believe it but it just crossed my theory and I'd be super disappointed if it were true because I loved you for a long time and then to find out you're actually…"

"Get to the point, Sakura."

"Gay."

[Awkward silence]

"No."

"You sure? Just because you kissed me doesn't mean you aren't gay."

"I think I'd know that for myself if I were or weren't."

"Then accept the colonoscopy! Think of it this way, accept the examination by proving to me once and for all that your rear end isn't… loose."

"Sakura."

"Oh, man up, for goodness sake! It's not like I'll be fisting you. Unless you've already-?"

"I'm not gay. And no."

"It won't even take longer than 60 minutes. It'll be over before you know it. And if you want, I can give you sedatives."

"There's even an option?"

"It really depends on the patient's pain tolerance but I'd recommend the patient being as calm and participant as possible during the procedure. Won't want anything getting stuck-"

"My final answer is-"

"And I won't take no for an answer. _Either you take the checkup or I'll see to it to disable you with my chakra scalpel and assign one of your fans to doctor you up."_

"Is that a threat?"

"Did I stutter?"

"…"

"…"

"The answer is still no."

[Later that evening]

[beep!]

[breathing]

[beep!]

[breathing]

"Oh, and Sasuke, I didn't specify which gender of your fans you'll be assigned to, but it won't matter now that you're here and medically under dosed. Sleep tight!"


	3. Q-Tips

Misunderstandings

By: Unknownred

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A/N: Thanks for reading thus far! I don't know if I'll be continuing after this story or not. I do enjoy coming up with misunderstandings between our shinobis. This story's dialogue is between four people, Naruto, Ino, Sakura and Sasuke. But don't worry, you'll recognize who is who once you read it. Let me know in the comment section below what you think!

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[Birds chirp on a chilly, autumn evening]

"Oh, my god, Sai, why aren't you home right about now? That boy needs to give some attention loving to his blond hair, blue eyes… Naruto?"

"Oh, hi Ino."

"Hi. What brings you this way? You know, Ramen Ichiraku is the opposite direction."

"I was just heading over to Sakura's place."

"Why? You're not cheating with Hinata on Sakura, are you? Now I know forehead has exotic hair and eyes, and that you loved her since you were kids, but now that you and Hinata are newlyweds, it wouldn't be right!"

"Oh no, it's not like that. Hinata knows."

"She knows…?"

"Yeah… In fact, she encouraged me to go see Sakura chan. After all, we haven't seen each other since the wedding."

"Wait…is there a bone to pick? Or, are you guys actually having one of those 'secret affairs'? Because I love hearing stories that could be true, surprisingly."

[Naruto scratches his head, sheepishly] "By secret, I'm surprised you don't know. And you're her friend!"

"Yeah, you're right! Change of plans, I'll join you to her house. There's a forehead I have a bone to pick!"

"…Okay!"

[At Sakura's apartment]

"Oh, look, Sasuke teme is there!"

"Oh, guess you missed your chance."

"Nah, perhaps now Sakura chan won't be alone because teme is there."

"Wait, you're fine with Sakura two timing you?"

"What? Why would Sakura chan two time me?"

"Oh, I don't know… because you went through all the trouble of coming here after Hinata's insisted encouragement and you're just going to give up?"

"I'm so confused. Ino, you didn't sound so happy of me bringing Sakura chan up but now you're okay with it?"

" _Do_ you or do you _not_ like Sakura?"

"Well, yeah, I do. Sakura chan has always been there for me even before I met Hinata but now that Hinata is here for me, Sakura chan will always have a place in my heart."

"If Sakura is that special to you, then what are you waiting for? Another guy is bound to take her away from you!"

"Mm, I think I know where you're going with this. Yeah… yeah, you're right! I'm going to knock on her door and invite both her and Sasuke!"

"Wait, what? No, Naruto, don't knock on her door!"

"Hey, look, the door is opened ajar!"

"Perhaps, Sasuke kun is inside doing the _nasty_ with Sakura and he forgot to close the door."

"The _nasty_ , him _and_ Sakura chan? **Now** , in _broad daylight_?"

"Let's go in and see for ourselves!"

"Uh, Ino, I don't think that's a very wise- whoa!"

"Shhh…."

[Meanwhile]

"Hn. Lay down."

"Why?"

"It'll be much easier that way."

"Can I at least have a pillow?"

"You don't need one."

"Oh, b-b-but Sasuke, you sure?"

"Lay down, Sakura."

"Okay…"

"Comfortable?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'm going in."

"Ah, wait, do it gently, please?"

"Ah."

"Mmm."

[Meanwhile]

"Oh…my...word. They are **doing** it… in _broad daylight_!"

"I don't think this is appropriate. We should leave!"

"What? No way! Have you ever wonder if Sasuke kun has ever banged a girl or was remotely gay his entirely adolescent years of you chasing after him?

"Sasuke, gay? No way! He likes Sakura chan, for sure!"

"And how close are you to Sasuke kun to even know he likes Sakura?"

[Naruto crosses his fingers] "This much!"

"Oh, yes, definitely a skeleton in the closet."

[Meanwhile]

"Ah, Sasuke, not so deep! It hurts!"

"Sorry."

"Are you almost done?"

"Not even close."

"Do you want me to turn? Oh! Okay, so I'm turning… thanks."

"Hn."

"Another round, here we go."

[Meanwhile]

"I can't believe we're witnessing this! Now I know for sure that Sasuke kun isn't gay and with you here makes my point even better!"

"Well, I can't believe we're spying on our friend's sexual affair. Can we go now?"

"Naruto, last I recalled, you would've done the same to your teacher just to know what he looks like without his mask!"

"That was years ago! And I wasn't the only one who wondered!"

"Whatever. If we leave now, they'll hear us and figure out we're here. So, no, we can't leave just yet! We'll leave when they finish!"

"When they finish? How long will that take?"

"Considering that this is their second round, not that long?"

[Naruto thoughts] " _How many rounds does the teme have in him, is what I'm afraid to ask._ "

[Meanwhile]

"Does it feel that good?"

"Oh, yes. Hit that spot and it'll feel even better."

"Here?"

"Curve up. Ah! Yes, that's the spot!"

"Are you purring?"

"Oh! Am I? Hehe, guess I can't help it when you're doing this to me. Does it bother you?"

"I don't mind it."

"Mmm, just a little more."

"Hn."

"Oh my gosh, I haven't felt that good in forever! Thanks, Sasuke!"

"Ah."

"I supposed you'd like a reward for your efforts?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Perhaps, something in return for-"

[Simultaneously]

"I can't take any more of this, I'm leaving!"

"What? No, Naruto, you can't! They'll hear us!"

[Naruto stumbles to the front door] "Beats us from having to explain ourselves for being here in the first place!"

[Simultaneously]

"Shhh, someone's inside."

"What? I wonder if it's Naruto. I should be expecting him soon."

"I'll use my-"

"No, it's alright. I'll go check myself."

[Sakura walks to her front door]

"Naruto, is that you?" Oh, Ino, too! What do I owe the pleasure of your guys' surprise visit?"

"Ah, Sakura chan, sorry to intrude, but your door-"

"Neighborhood watch. Geez forehead, I would've expected you to be a little cautious in locking your doors. But I needn't worry. You can handle yourself."

"Oh, thanks pig! Would you both like to come in? It's a bit chilly outside."

"We don't want to intrude, but if you insist!"

"I do. Naruto, are you coming?"

"Coming?"

"Inside the house. …Is there something wrong?"

"I… actually, I have something to tell you, but-"

"Well, whatever you have to say can wait until after you're inside from the cold."

[Inside Sakura's apartment]

"Teme."

"Dope."

"Oh my, my! Sasuke kun, you're here, too? Keeping Sakura all to yourself now, are you? Well, that's not fair."

"Hn."

"Ino! It's not like that. Sasuke's here on a small mission."

"Keeping you company from the cold, I'm sure."

"Uh, no. He's here because he's completing the last hour of his community service regarding his probation."

"Oh, cool man. You should've told me so then afterwards, we could go out and celebrate!"

"Didn't want to disturb your time with your new wife."

"And you just happen to be his client, forehead?"

"Yes, well, I requested a helping hand in the house. You know I just moved in earlier this week and I'm not completely settled. So, Kakashi appointed Sasuke to serve me."

"Serve? Helping hand? Are you using his duty to your advantage- o-ho, you're a sneaky girl!"

"Huh?"

"You learned well from your master!"

"Ino-pig, what _are_ you talking about?"

"You know _what_ I'm talking about."

"No, no, I don't think I do."

[sigh] "You're not fooling anyone, Sakura. Especially not me."

"Ino, I really have no clue what you're talking about or what you think you know. Please, indulge me."

"God, Sakura, sometimes you're more clueless than these guys when it comes to sex."

"Sex?!"

"Ino, perhaps this is not the right time or place to confess…?"

"Naruto, it's now or never! If it wasn't for Hinata, we wouldn't be here!"

"Confess? Naruto? What's this about? What's going on?"

"Forehead, what task did you give Sasuke to perform on you? And don't you lie, or so help me!"

"Uh, help me settle into my apartment?"

"Implying?"

"He'd move furniture, unpack boxes of stuff like kitchen ware or my medical encyclopedias with whatever he can manage."

"Uh huh. And I don't suppose during his spare time, he'd change your door locks, fix your bed, fold your laundry…for free!"

"Not in that sense, but that's what community service kind of is. Helping in whatever I ask him to."

"'Whatever' can mean _anything_ , Sa-ku-ra."

"You know what I mean, pig! And give the guy a break, he only has one arm! You can't really do much with one arm, now can you Ino?"

"If I were he, I could do much more than I'm capable of doing, Sakura. Now, I think you're not telling me the whole truth."

"What truth?"

" _ **The**_ truth?"

"I don't know what truth you want to hear?"

"Sakura chan, whatever is about to come out her mouth, just remember who's the biggest gossiper in town!"

"Hey!"

"What's this even about, Ino?"

"We saw you!"

"Saw me, what?"

"You and Sasuke kun!"

"We didn't technically see anything, Sakura chan. We just coincidentally overheard-"

"You guys doing the _nasty_! In broad daylight, how could you Sakura?"

"Since when?"

"Like ten minutes ago."

[Awkward of silence]

"WHAT!?"

"Now, now… I know it's embarrassing and it wasn't right on our parts to eavesdrop but it makes sense now. After all, those theories of Sasuke being gay, he was actually having secret affairs with you and you didn't even tell me- your best friend!"

"Whoa, I am not doing the _**nasty**_ with Sasuke! And secret affairs, where'd you even get a ridiculous idea like that?"

"Naruto told me."

"Wait, NARUTO?!"

"Dope."

"WHAT, NO I DIDN'T! I swear I've never said Sakura chan is having a secret affair with Sasuke!"

"Oh please, I swear your brain is a bean when it comes to lying. You told me that Hinata encouraged your love life with Sakura to continue and then after seeing Sasuke enter Sakura's house, you wanted to invite both Sakura and Sasuke to your foursome fetish fantasy whatever you people do. And you all had the galls to hide this from me?"

"I swear, Sakura chan, it's not true! Remember what I told you about Ino's filter? PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"WAIT! Let me get this straight… you both eavesdropped since Sasuke's arrival?! How in the world did you even get inside?"

"It's no secret that we're ninjas, Sakura. It's not that hard to unlock your door. It's not chakra infused-"

"-It was ajar when we arrived, Sakura chan."

"Even though it should after what we heard, forehead!"

"Hn. And that is?"

"Dare I say it! With Sakura being timid throughout the whole affair, you were going in and out of her like a dog in heat!"

"Oh my god, it's not what you think, pig!"

"Oh, it's not? Because I'm definitely convince that Sasuke's not gay now."

[Moment of silence]

"He's not. I saw to it myself when he went in for his colon-"

"Sakura."

"Ino, Sasuke's not gay as I told you before. He likes Sakura chan."

[Hits Naruto upside the head] "Dope."

"OW!"

[gasp] "So you do like me, huh?"

"Oh yeah, says the guy who kissed him during our genin days! Says the guy who chased after him most of our teen years!"

"What's with you people thinking I'm gay? I already proved I'm not."

"Yeah, yeah, so you kissed Sakura. For all we know, you can kiss any girl as a cover up that you're actually gay!"

"I'm not."

"Did you see him kiss her, Ino?"

"Boy, please, I was on the phone when it happened!"

"I already provoked him, Ino. Besides, pig, it's true that Sasuke is not gay. And we didn't do the _nasty_. It's a huge, big misunderstanding! Especially on your part, Ino. Like you said, you only heard! Not saw; not witness; what proof do you have?"

[Ino points at Naruto] "I am too a witness, and besides this guy was with me when you and him went all down and dirty! You couldn't help but bare it to the whole town! Lucky, it was your friends who heard you and not some perverted sleaze ball!"

"Like I said, it's not what you think!"

"Then tell me, Sa-ku-ra, how did it go down?"

"I had a hard time hearing the past week. Sasuke got annoyed from repeating himself and so he offered to clean my ears. With Q-tips."

"Oh! Hinata did the same to me during our honeymoon phase. I cannot explain the wonderful sensation I felt!"

"Okay, ew, I did not need to hear your sexual life with our dear innocent Hyuga."

"Uzamaki."

[Ino rolls her eyes] "Whatever."

"Annoying. If you want further proof, go into the bathroom and see for yourself."

"As if I wanna see forehead's earwax. …Wait! This isn't one of Sakura's reverse psychology at making me think you guys are telling the truth so that I'd dismiss going to see for myself, when I know I'm right and you guys are all phonies. But you see, I am Ino Yamanaka and I will not be swayed by such tales!"

"Ino-"

[sigh] "Sakura, just let it go. We can't hide it much longer."

"WHAT?!"

"HA! I KNEW IT- YOU CAN'T HIDE ANYTHING FROM ME!"

"Sasuke!"

"Teme, is that true?!"

"OH MY GOSH, I GOT TO GO AND-" [Ino leaves in a poof smoke]

[Moment of awkward silence]

[Sakura breaks silence] "What the hell was that? Why did you say that?"

"Let her believe what she wants to believe."

"But it's not true!"

"Ah, yet."

"Sasuke, I won't be made a fool of especially with this girl being the gossiper of the town. Do you know what she- wait, _yet_? What do you mean by _**'yet'**_?"

"Wait, so teme, you and Sakura chan haven't done _it_ yet?"

"Does she have a fan on her back?"

[Sakura gapes]

[Naruto expresses surprise] "So, wait, does this mean that I beat you to losing my virginity first?!"

"TMI, NARUTO!"

[Smiles smugly] "Don't worry, Sakura chan, your turn will be up soon."

"Oh, my god! I cannot believe we're talking about this!"

"Ah. We're taking our time."

[Sakura turns to Sasuke] "Sasuke, what you said before… at the hospital, you really meant it?"

"Ah. I wouldn't have pushed your limits if I were gay, now would I, Sa-ku-ra?"

"So, you knew I didn't appoint a fan to nurse you through your check up and you were just teasing me?"

"Hnnn- ah."

"Wow, that's really what happened? But Teme said- OOF!"

"Dope."

" _Anyway,_ Naruto, what was it you wanted to tell me that you couldn't outside?"

"Oh, um…"

[Next day, Ino confronts Naruto]

"So, the 'whole secret thing' was you asking Sakura over for dinner?"

"Yeah. What'd you think my intentions were?"

"Oh… Ha-ha-ha…ha." [Ino laughs sheepishly] "You know, sexual deprivation does things to you. You gotta start somewhere."


End file.
